Once upon a time, there was a custom called dating. When cupid’s arrow hit two unsuspecting souls the ritual began. A male suitor would call on a young woman and ask her on a date. The typical rendezvous might involve a night on the town complete with dinner and a movie, or maybe even a night of dancing. Then, if all went well, the night would conclude with the goodnight kiss. Success! The dreaded first date is complete. However, it’s my experience that this is becoming a non-existent occurrence in today’s society. Dating, as we perhaps never truly knew it, is becoming extinct. In its place, we’re left with hook-up culture.
Collegiate hook up culture is rampant. It used to be that you met someone you liked and then went on a few dates to get to know them, now you hookup first to see if you like that person and maybe go on a few dates afterward. Anyone else see this as backwards? Or are we simply too jaded? It seems we’ve lost the ability to simply ask someone out and get to know them. So what’s the cause of our dating culture’s slow demise? A writer for the New York Times attributed it to “the collapse of advanced planning, lopsided gender ratios on campus, delaying marriage, relaxing values and sheer momentum,” all of which make significant contributing factors.
However, she failed to factor in the effects technology has had on this phenomenon. One of the major contributing factors in the growth of this new social norm is the technology that we love and hold so dear. Facebook, Twitter, SMS messaging…all these various forms of social media and communication provide us with more and more ways to disconnect from personal contact; thus gifting us the ability to not deal with life face to face. Don’t get me wrong, I text just as much as the next person, but using this as a main means of communication with someone we’re interested in dating is probably not the best idea. We’ve become too addicted to put the phone down. In 2008, Vibes Media, a company that helps businesses market themselves through SMS, reported that since 2001 the number of text messages sent in this country has risen from about a million a month to 75 billion.
While texting has become an extremely useful tool, SMS can be impersonal and leaves way too much room for misinterpretation. Think about it. Can you really get to know someone through a text message? Granted, texting has its advantages in relationships. It’s useful for flirting and connecting when you can’t talk. It’s great for making plans, confirming things, and great for throwing out a quick message to someone that can’t talk. Nevertheless when this form of communication is abused, it mostly just gets in the way. Whereas we used to drunk dial, there is now the drunk text, and in place of the “booty call” we have late night “booty texts.” And due to the difficulty of interpreting a person’s tone through text, it can be hard to tell who’s looking to get to know you and who’s looking to get some. Be classy in your approach. Texting is all about short conversations, it’s not a replacement for phone conversations. When it comes time to setup a date, be brave, pick up the phone and call someone.
Dating in this new age is a complex process, arguably even more difficult than in the past. With all the games we play and all the ways we can communicate, the dating realm can be a murky, thorny underworld of confusion. However one thing is for sure, in our society where constant contact is a necessity, texting as a form of communication is here to stay. Don’t throw your love life out the window by showing that you’re uneducated in the sphere of texting.
Textaholic’s Anonymous
A few tips for proper texting etiquette
Asking Someone Out: So you met someone at Friday night’s art gallery show, you exchanged numbers, and you’re thinking it’s time to ask for a date. It may be easier on the nerves to shoot someone a request via text messaging, but often times it sends off the wrong message. Save the date plans for those traditional phone conversations that we seem to increasingly avoid.
Cancellation: Texting is not an excuse to be rude. If you don’t want to see someone, call them and cancel your plans.
Date Etiquette: You’re hanging out with someone you’re interested in, and you’re so excited you decide to text your friend every detail of your date. It should go without saying that this is a big no-no. Never text while you’re on a date if you want the person to think you’re interested! And even if you’re not interested, don’t be rude. At least run off to the restroom and text in secret.
Playing It Safe: Texting is one of the most misinterpreted forms of communication out there. It’s hard to decipher the tone of someone’s message through reading words on a screen. To be safe, save the jokes for face-to-face interaction.
Constant Contact: Ever had someone blow up your phone with text messages all day long that have no real significance? Do not feel the need to text every facet of your day to someone you’re dating, or anyone for that matter. Keep your texts to a minimum.
Patiently Waiting: So you’ve been engaging in a text-a-thon with that new girl you met on Saturday, she stopped texting you mid conversation and now it’s Thursday and you’re still waiting for a reply…Just because you text someone doesn’t mean they’re going to reply. Not everyone keeps constant track of their text messages. Sometimes there are simply not enough hours in the day (something college students should be well aware of).
Left in the Dark: If you haven’t heard from someone you texted in a few days, don’t immediately panic. They may have forgotten to text you back in the midst of late night studying for final exams. So instead of pondering why you haven’t heard from them, pick up the phone and call them! Whatever the reason, you’ll get your answer allowing you to give yourself, and your friends, a rest from worrying.
All in Your Feelings: As much as you may feel the need to gush about your inner most feelings through SMS, leave the heart to heart conversation for face-to-face contact (or at least ear-to-ear).
The Golden rule: Break-ups are hard, they’re uncomfortable, and they’re messy. If the time has come to end it with your significant other, be classy about your approach. Texting is not an avenue for breaking up with someone. It’s cowardly. The same goes for email, Facebook messages and twitters. None of these methods will passably end ties with someone. As much as we may not want to, sometimes we’ve got to take that grown up pill and do the right thing.
